I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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