The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
