if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
