you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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