i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
