It's Friday. Sex?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
