What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
