I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
