Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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