Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
