no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
