You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
