tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Come on in and take your pants off
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