I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
