he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I have tasted many bathrooms
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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