We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
