it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
