On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
His nipple licking is glorious
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