Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Less talking, more tequila
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
