I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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