i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Even my vagina gasped.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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