do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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