bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
