my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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