Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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