She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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