This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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