look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
