I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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