i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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