i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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