"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
