Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
