Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
