Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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