So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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