i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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