We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
