Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
