I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
