Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
