What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i drank out of a bidet.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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