My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
