I met the friendliest cop last night
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
