I am in a vortex of obligation.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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