with your own penis?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
