he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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