You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
