Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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