She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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