I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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