Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
